I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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