I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
