He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
