I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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