i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
