Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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