the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
