did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
