we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Who died my cat blue again?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
