Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
