i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
