I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
