Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize