The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
