Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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