So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
