She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
