my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
