Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
