You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
