I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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