Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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