I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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