Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
