I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
