Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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