you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
