dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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