I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
