He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize