Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
