Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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