I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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