i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
jump out the window naked night went bad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
