No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
