Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
