I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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