She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
