SEEEEXXX PLEASE
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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