New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found your dick twin last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
