Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
