And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
