At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
