I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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