I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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