I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
