It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
