I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
