Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
