i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
