seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
