Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
