over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
