a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
