He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
