What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
