Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
