I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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