wanna go halves on a baby?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
