i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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