I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
