I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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