I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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