Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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