I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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