apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
These tits shall not be calmed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
