yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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