You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
