Will you blow on my dice?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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