Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
