I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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