I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize