theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
