Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
this is an emotional support booty call
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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