I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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