Plan B is the new Plan A
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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