i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
