Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
