Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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