it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
