puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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