we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize