He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize