So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
