I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i drank out of a bidet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
