The maid of honor just puked.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
