I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
