If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
