Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
