Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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