I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
