I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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