she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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