tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
