i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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