I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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