we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
