I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
