I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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