and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize