Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
