dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
