I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
