You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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