sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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