people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
