Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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