I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
