Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
