also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
