also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I only lived at night.
smell my finger.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
