I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
