It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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