JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
