I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
