Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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