Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I didn't notice because vodka
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
